The 43-year-old, who was in her early 30s at the time, said her beau was partial to poking her belly button with his ‘tiny’ mahood, licking her eyelids and elbows and massaging her earlobes.
It all started when the pair met at a party soon after Nilufer moved to London when she was in her 30s.
He seemed like perfect boyfriend material at first and they started going to comedy shows together. But one night, she came home to find her housemates were having an argument – so she packed a bag and walked over to his house.
However, being the gentleman that he was, Robin refused to let her sleep on the couch, so Nilufer insisted they share a bed. One thing led to another and the pair were soon kissing passionately – but when she slid her hands down his boxers, she “froze.”
She said: “Kissing turned out to be the only thing Robin was good at in the sack. “When it came to foreplay and actually doing the deed itself, he was about as much of a turn on as a dead newt.
“It started with the tongue sliding down my right arm then circling the inside of my elbow. “Then he began licking and sucking my thumb, I couldn’t help wincing. “Then he reached his hands up and began massaging my earlobes. What was he doing?”
“As he whipped it out, I was dismayed to see … he really did have a tiny willy. And when I say tiny, I mean about three inches at salute. “When I felt him rubbing against my belly, I thought he was shifting position at first. Then I realised he was actually rubbing his manhood against my belly button.”
She slept with him a second and third time – where he began licking her eyelids – and so she made the decision to end it.